mental link

[adamance]

WISDOM passing on her legacy, her knowledge, and showing a willingness for more	COMPASSION looking upon her people with care, with hope, and understanding a different layer of strength
STRENGTH strength is more than just mere words or mere actions—it is everything	PURPOSE being born for this

( CODE BY WHAMBAM )

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[deployed]

[ The immediate, snapped response passes through Bellamy's mind. He's careful to wait it out, and be more selective in his response. In the end, it's simple, clipped. ]

I can't accept that. Not if there's anything I can do to prevent it.

[ Pain had always been a consequence of protecting his people. It's familiar, even if the members of the Nest aren't. The words are heartfelt, but grim. There might not be anything he can do to prevent more death. Bellamy realizes that. He shakes his head, tucking his hands into his jacket pockets. ]

Where did you want to go? [ It's a little abrupt, an attempt to change the subject. ] Which shops?

[adamance]

[Oh, she's not relenting that easily. Lexa looks at him steadily and begins to walk, to lead him in the direction of the train that will take them to the right section of the city. She can look as if she's answering with action, even if her mind doesn't feel as if it's moved on.]

You can't prevent it. And only self-importance will lead you to believe you can. You can't change what you've done, or base your further actions on that. Not everything is about you and your perspective, Bellamy. [At least she doesn't directly hold her people out as those he's killed. No, this is more a general statement, acknowledging that he, like Clarke, likely bears the ache of killing all those within Mount Weather as well.]

[deployed]

[ She doesn't yield. Bellamy isn't sure he expected to her, to but he's still exasperated as he follows her to the platform. Defensiveness prickles to the surface of his mind as if to ward away her words.

It's about atonement. He can't speak that aloud to her, but it colors every action he takes. There's mercy in her refusal to place the lives of her people at her feet, but Bellamy feels the weight of them aside Mount Weather and the Culling anyway. His thoughts skip through the tally as he shakes his head. ]

You don't know what I will or won't be able to prevent.

[ But clearly she knows him well enough to make shrewd guess about his self-sacrificial nature. Bellamy's not comfortable with that. ]

I have to try.

[ Even if it's ill-advised. ]

[adamance]

[The train door opens as she processes those words, and she strides inside, assuming that he will follow at the same time. Once they stand side by side inside of the train, she points her gaze up to his face again. It's not a sentiment that she's personally familiar with. Trying against all odds, doing self-sacrificing things ... she can respect it to a degree, but heroism isn't a trait that any commander embraces.

Strength must be proved, but not through ignorance.

It's only when her eyes point back in front of her that she speaks:] You sound like her.

[There's no need to declare exactly who the "her" in their conversation happens to be. Something twists sharply inside of her.]

I've seen only pain brought by that type of thinking, Bellamy. [And she's failed to protect Clarke from it. She suspects it will be the same with Bellamy.]

[deployed]

[ Lexa's scrutiny is like a physical touch. Bellamy can't be sure what she's looking for. Sincerity, maybe. When her gaze lifts, Bellamy exhales slowly. He expects further remonstration, not the comparison Lexa comes out with next.

Her is weighted with such significance that it leaves no room for misunderstanding. But that doesn't mean Bellamy feels as if it's accurate. Bellamy aspires to Clarke's ways, but he strays too easily. He shakes his head, as much a dismissal of being compared to Clarke as it is to Lexa's objection. ]

There's going to be pain either way.

[ That was one thing he'd learned. All life had to offer was pain in one form or another. But there were ways to make it more manageable. There was a way that made it easier to live with himself in the wake of it. ]

We both knew that.

[ Or Bellamy had, to start with. Clarke had learned. Bellamy wishes she'd never had to come to such a conclusion, but he bites his tongue rather than let the conversation steer towards Mount Weather. ]

How many stops?

[adamance]

[Every bone in her body aches with the desire to admonish him for his thinking. It sounds like it isn't far from "we'll hurt ourselves because we know nothing else." It isn't the type of thinking that inspires strength. To her, it sounds as if they are accepting the weakness and bearing it because they know nothing else. Overcoming it is what is most important. Before she died, she never got to tell Clarke that. She knows now that it's likely she never will.

(By loving Clarke, she had allowed herself to overcome a great deal.)

Instead of pursuing the conversation, there's a sense of disconnect in the connection between them, like she's withdrawing from pushing him so hard. If she were Clarke (and she's aware of this fact all too clearly), she knows she'd have kept pushing. Lexa is not Clarke. This subject will come up again and she'll broach it then, but for now, it's better left to the awkward silence that will now permeate between the two of them.]

Three more stops, [she says, and then points her eyes forward. Everything from here on out will be mechanical and rote. It might be better that way.]