mental link

[adamance]

WISDOM passing on her legacy, her knowledge, and showing a willingness for more	COMPASSION looking upon her people with care, with hope, and understanding a different layer of strength
STRENGTH strength is more than just mere words or mere actions—it is everything	PURPOSE being born for this

( CODE BY WHAMBAM )

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like day 33

[whowhatnow]

( Heeeeeeeyyyyy, Lexa. Sorry. This is kind of random, I know. I don't even really do this that often, I don't use the mental links a lot, but... )

[You can almost hear the mental sigh.]

( This whole hivemind thing we all have. I'm...scared of it, if I have to be completely honest. )

[adamance]

[It is surprising to some degree, but Nathaniel is the type to come out of nowhere with a remark like this. She's accustomed to him, even if she will never ... adapt to that fully.]

( Would you prefer to speak somewhere where we use our voices? )

[Far from a rejection, there's the sense through the link that she understands. Lexa is the least reassuring person alive, but she at least is pretty good at fortune cookie wisdom when she feels strongly about something.]

[whowhatnow]

( Could we do that? I'd like that, actually. Uh, meet in the common room in 5? )

[He's relieved. honestly. A part of him does look up to Lexa, with her instinctual leadership, and he feels that she is the least likely to judge him for whatever he has to say. Already feeling like a burden has been relieved off of his shoulders, he heads to the common room, plopping down on the couch and putting his legs on the table before he waits for her to come along.]

[adamance]

[When she arrives, she notices that he's already more content than he had been moments before. At the moment, they are the only ones present, though she eyes Sam and Angel's computer set up before sitting beside him. The casual nature of just sitting with people is something that hasn't yet come to Lexa, but she's trying.]

There shouldn't be a problem if anyone hears us. Too many of our secrets are known. [It's not something that makes her happy, but like everyone, Lexa has had to adjust.]

[whowhatnow]

[He waves at her when she comes over, but doesn't budge from where he's sitting. He does look a little dour, which is a strange look on him.]

Yeah, it's good. I'm glad you thought of that idea.

[And there's a sigh - might as well get to the whole subject of why they're here, right?]

Lexa...what do you think about this hivemind thing? Like... be honest. Do you like it?

[adamance]

[There is a bitter quirk of her lips at first before she stares off for a moment. Irritation is palpable, but clearly not at him: the Nest itself is the source of the problem, and she isn't keen to give it much leeway to be seen as "good." Nothing she's witnessed supports that, at any rate.]

It has some benefits when it comes to communication, but that's it. [Her choice to give herself to the Nest has already been made: she's decided against it. Learning what she has and knowing that they never intended to return them to their people, it feels important to hold on to their individual identities.

Her eyes flicker toward him.]

Cathaway speaks as if we are better Hosts by giving up more of ourselves in the process. But when Carata and Nirad speak of the war, they treat it as a thing that may not ever end. War is meant to end, even endless ones. But to give up yourself and accept that is dangerous. It's not a strategy at all.

[It's an impersonal explanation, but she has another one. Before she gives it, she allows him the room to respond.]

[whowhatnow]

[He listens quietly, which is already a bit bizarre for him - there's no interruption, no quick joke. He takes it all in and nods, finding himself agreeing with the sentiment.]

I totally get what you mean. It's that kind of whole "sacrificing yourself for the greater good" thing. Even if that greater good is a war that doesn't seem like it will ever end. It's like...constant sacrifice.

[He shakes his head with a slight grimace. He speaks, his tone bitter:]

And I don't want that. Sure, I want to help, but I don't want to give my whole self up for...what, the strange, vague goals of this parasite hivemind? I didn't sign up for this. I wanted to be saved, not thrown into some kind of group where leaving means absolute death.

[adamance]

It's good that you're questioning. [There are others who question, but in meaningless ways. Lexa recalls offering an olive branch to Parker to offer her an outlet. It had gone nowhere, and she suspects that it won't be long until Parker finds herself in a position that isn't unlike the Parker who had come before.

There are others who are selfish, frustrated, aimless ...

It's not that selfishness is a bad thing in the Nest. That is one way to continue independence. But Lexa isn't fully convinced that people's self-serving natures benefit themselves in any way.]

Too much doesn't add up. If these symbiotes were stopped, there would be no reason to fear us. What are the goals of the Enemy? Here, it's clear that they aren't seeking to kill people. It means that we are missing too many pieces to willfully offer ourselves over. You are right to wonder about their goals. The more answers we receive, the more that we recognize how little we know. [They may be trapped, but there is little reason to give themselves over because it's a losing battle.

And she assumes that if Nathaniel is asking, if he's worried, then there is a desire within him to fight as well.]

[whowhatnow]

Yeah. We're trying to solve a puzzle with half of the pieces from the box. How can we get what's going on through something like that?

[He hates it. It's frustrating, being at the whims of some great hivemind. He's already been at the whim of a great majority. He never wanted it again, but the universe just had to say no, apparently.]

We need to find answers. And do it in a way that won't be some big glaring red flag to everyone else. Like...rebel, but discretely, you know what I mean? But I don't even know where to start.

[adamance]

Have you spoken to Cathaway about the Nest and what has come before us? She gave me an idea when I spoke to her, but we may be able to find more. I believe much of the answers lie in why these symbiotes are worth protecting. [And what the Enemy gains by stopping it. What if they are the Enemy? What if they're the ones tricked into going along with a plan because they may be the way of prolonging a war that is only two-sided because the symbiote exists?

It's an unsettling thought, albeit one she can't completely ignore.]