adamance | mental link

( Your attempts at protecting others are clumsy. Then again, so were Clarke's. ) [She had appreciated Clarke's efforts, but that doesn't mean that she had been smart about it. Had she actually taken and trusted Lexa's word, she would have understood where she stood in regards to the fight. After everything, Lexa did have to fight for herself.]

( I don't need clumsy protection either way. I understand the intent to do good by Clarke. We both feel strongly about that. But I would prefer an alliance before you offer up your version of a shield to me. ) [Though it remains unspoken, it's clear that her words are almost like she's trying to step her way through an explosive map. One wrong move and she'll set off an self-destructive explosion. She both doesn't want to offend him, but also doesn't want or need his protection.

Nor does she trust Bellamy's version of it. She believes he's better as a soldier, but she can't call for his obedience.

Not yet, anyway. Perhaps not ever, if Clarke remains in their world protecting their people.]

[ Clumsy. Bellamy's insulted, and that carries before he can stop it, just like the sense that he agrees with the assessment on some level. He couldn't protect his people. He'd failed more than once. He resists the urge to debate the point, drawing a deep breath before his thoughts focus. ]

( We don't already have an alliance? )

[ It's hard to keep the bitterness completely out. They'd had an alliance before. Or she and Clarke had. It hadn't served him well then. But he has to force himself to keep in the present, to remember the first connection, the spill of her thoughts after his arrival. ]

( Protection doesn't go both ways? )

( Typically, one of my warriors does fight for me and is willing to die for me. I didn't want to extend that same assumption to you without an agreement first. )

[Lexa believes that this answers both of his concerns.]

( That's not an alliance. )

[ It reads as an imbalance to Bellamy. Something in the phrasing, the way she invokes a possessive as she speaks of what's typical. Typical on Earth. Typical of her people. ]

( It's not an alliance when you put it like that. )

[ Quibbling about the language is petty. He's aware. But there's something important to it too, breaking whatever agreement they manage out of old patterns and making a new accord between them. ]

( You know as well as I do that entering an arrangement like that is different from the alliance we had in the first place. The conditions are different. And you are technically one of my people, even if you don't respect the efforts of Clarke and Kane. So, my point remains. I cannot ask you to fight for me. )

[Yes, she intends to offer the same in return. Perhaps they should have covered the technicalities of this upon his arrival. Lexa is also well aware that she's being difficult, especially given the circumstances here.

But she doesn't relent. Knowing does not often involve changing anything in particular.]

[ Conversing with Lexa is at times like battering against a wall. There's very little give in her, or there isn't where Bellamy is concerned.

In this particular instance, they're working from two very different ideas. Bellamy's ideas on leadership were mixed, often tinged with resentment. What Clarke was to him was different, a leader but an equal. His assumption that Lexa's offer initiated something similar was a clear mistake, and one that he should have foreseen. Or questioned, but Bellamy hadn't had the heart to pick at nuances in the wake of their initial conversation. ]

( You aren't asking. I'm offering. ) [ Bellamy clearly is not pleased at having to admit this explicitly. ] ( That's what that means to me. )

[ If he's supposed to be her people, then he should be defending her. All the other baggage, the bleedover between them, the duty he feels to Clarke, that may be additional pressure demanding the action, but the base urge towards loyalty is rooted in that single concept. Lexa's frustrating, but her offer and his acceptance had cemented this, as far as Bellamy was concerned. She's not his Commander or his chancellor. She's not Clarke. Trying to keep this as simple as possible in the wake of all that feels like the best option. ]

[There is still the matter of her initial point: that both Clarke and Bellamy failed to trust her judgment. It's not that her hesitance only comes from a place of disrespect. There is still a part of her that doesn't quite understand the way they enforce protection, and what they do to qualify it. (Of course, Bellamy has done rather poorly on that front in other ways. She's not likely to soon forget.)

There is that other thing: Lexa had promised to protect Clarke's people no matter what. It had been a pledge of fealty, one that she stood by that day. Expecting it in return had never been a concern. There's much that Bellamy doesn't know from that day, that he'll never know.]

( If I accept this of you, I need you to respect my own choices. My own judgment comes first. Even if I'm not Heda to these people, I still trust myself before I trust you. You've made mistakes in the past, and when it comes to your safety or mine, I believe that I am better equipped to keep the both of us safe. ) [Even if it means betrayal. Even if it's unnecessarily convoluted. As if anything with Lexa could be any other way.]

[ Aloud, Bellamy scoffs, incredulous. He's frustrated, but unwilling to stop trying to arbitrate for something more, trying to claw his way to even ground between them. If such a thing existed with Lexa. He's all the more aware of all the ways she isn't Clarke, but even in noting that, he can pick up traces of things he knows Clarke softened in her, the same as she had once done with Bellamy. It doesn't make any of this easier, and it doesn't help him figure out what to say to Lexa to magically come to an understanding. ]

( You've made mistakes too, ) [ He asserts, blunt but mercifully refraining from going into specifics. ] ( If I think you're going to make another one or put yourself in danger, I'm not going to keep my mouth shut. )

[ Diplomacy at it's finest. ]

( My mistakes assured the safety of the greatest majority of my people. It brought an end to a war that lasted for nearly sixty years. Since you are still one of my people, I think there is little that you have to concern yourself with. )

[She really is an immovable object at times. At least she's promising him her safety, even if it doesn't come with the same softening and apologies she had offered Clarke. Oh, she still feels them.

But there's something about Bellamy that makes her become all the more difficult. Why be reasonable when she can be something else?

(Besides, it's one of the few arrangements in the Nest where she feels like she still holds some power.)]

( You're wrong if you think that would have stopped them. ) [ Admittedly, Bellamy is biased, but nothing in his limited experience with Mount Weather made him believe they'd keep their word. They were dangerous.

Had been dangerous. ]

( I'm not going to be your subject. Don't you have any experience treating people as equals? )

[ It's not a fair accusation. Clarke is practically a tangible presence between them, proof that Lexa can bend. But Bellamy isn't Clarke, doesn't presume or aspire to replicating the arrangement between the two of them. It's impossible. But he stubbornly can't knuckle under and offer what he views as deference. ]

( You are my subject, but that doesn't mean I expect you to jump when I say so. I'm not the monster you think I am. )

[Lexa evades the question, but that's likely not surprising.

He saw her kill Gustus, however, so it's not like he shouldn't have the answer. Clarke knew what that meant to her.]

[ There's a momentary lapse while Bellamy tears his hair out. Questions how this became his life. All that good stuff. It takes some time for the urge to say something inflammatory passes.

The difficulty in accepting her identifier stems from the separation he still can't help but see between his people and hers. Success in shaking it, even with all his regrets, hasn't yet occurred. ]

( I don't know what I think of you, ) [ Which is incredibly frustrating for him. He'd been secure in his perception of her, before being subjected to the inside of her head. ] ( Don't your subjects keep you safe? )

[ His original point, something he's trying hard to circle back to and resist the urge to squabble over whether or not he's actually her subject till they both have a headache. ]

( You know why I'm hesitating to take you up on your offer, Bellamy. )

[There's a number of reasons, but she doesn't trust him to put her concerns first.]

[ There's an instant flicker of memory, of battle and slaughter and sickening self-directed disgust. She's right. Bellamy knows. Stubbornly digging his heels in doesn't erase what he's done.

And more importantly, it doesn't erase his own obvious unease when it comes to Lexa. That's potentially the crux of the matter. ]

( I know, ) [ Which she'll know he knows. His thoughts carry. He hates it. What else is new? ] ( I'm trying, Lexa. )

[ This is the most paltry olive branch in the entire world. ]

( I'm aware. ) [At least she'll allow that much.] ( We'll work together moving forward, but trust my judgment, and give me reason to trust yours. )

[Someone has to bring the back and forth to an end. Lexa is willing to do it. If anything, taking the chance of doing so gives her more power.]

[ There's a begrudging sense of agreement. Bellamy's prepared to argue the point further, but he recognizes the middle ground Lexa is attempting to offer. He breaks away after momentary acknowledgement. ]

WISDOM passing on her legacy, her knowledge, and showing a willingness for more	COMPASSION looking upon her people with care, with hope, and understanding a different layer of strength
STRENGTH strength is more than just mere words or mere actions—it is everything	PURPOSE being born for this

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